This is not going to sound too profound so I pray your not reading this for some more knowledge to throw inside your head… but let me just cry out that ministry is frustrating. Its nights like tonight that are the hardest. The nights that bleed into sleepless mornings. The nights like tonight as I watch the sunrise at 5:30am that make me realize people are thick as… _____. The nights where the hard talks never seem to end and they keep pushing deeper and deeper into ones soul until you hit the wall. Their soul that doesn’t want to let go. The soul thats broken and screaming inside that they are owed something. Where the talks just seem to go in a round about no point kind of way because no matter what you say they don’t hear you. The nights where you have done almost everything humanly possible to get someone to understand that you have to let go to gain ground and the words just don’t penetrate. The nights that no matter how hard you try to make things on your time God says… no son… on mine. The nights when you want the seed to grow before your eyes and really all you have done is planted a seed.
And all at the same time I know I’ve done all I can do. And maybe sometimes that makes it all the more frustrating to know that I cant change the world. I realize more and more that talks are hard because I cant convey the point vocally. I cant speak into knowledge what it means to respond to the love of Christ… not to obey laws but to be swept up in an act of worshiping something with limitless love. Words don’t do it any justice. There have never been any words that I’ve ever heard that could describe the love God pours into my life. So clearly were left with one method. That being action. Those that speak louder than words. I know most of the answers to most of my frustrations but selfishly often times I’m thick as…____ and those answers aren’t good enough. However eventually I will give up on buying the lie because I know its not worth it and I guess on nights like tonight I just wish selfishly that everyone else would too.
