I realized today I still don’t get it. I think as a ministry leader and follower of Jesus Christ I fail to grasp what I’m needing to grasp. As many of you know my neighbor got kicked out of his house about 6 weeks ago and has been living here in our home for that time. He graduates from High School this weekend and has been looking for a full time job.
Well today I woke up and spent some time praying and reading like I usually do. Then him and I went outside to do some yard work before it got too hot. Afterwards he asked me if I wanted to play Halo on his Xbox 360. Now, I realize most guy would jump at this opportunity but since I’m a nerd and would rather read and study I had this epic battle in my head because I really didn’t want to play. Video games are usually fun for me for about 2 minutes. So I conceded to play for a while.
I think the thing that bothered me was that I knew God wanted me to take this opportunity to spend time with him and I just didn’t want too. Heres a kid who all his life hasn’t really seen love. A kid who was essentially told that the two people who brought him into this world didn’t love him enough to keep him in his home. Now, maybe thats not how they mean it… but I can almost assure you thats how he feels. Its how any of us would feel. Its how we make God feel when we don’t show love. I realized that God spent a lot of his time on the time of other people. Showing them love, just spending time together, sharing a laugh a meal, and a good conversation.
The bible says that “God is love” and when we fail to show love… When we choose ourself over our neighbors when we don’t pour into the people around us when we are not showing love. We are telling them that there is no God. Its a great injustice when we make our “love” theology. Love in my study of scripture has got to be defined as the love that Christ has shown me poured out onto others by giving them my life. Not by dying for them, but by being willing to die for them. I just want you to take a second and read these verses which I’m sure most of you have read before: 1 Corinthians 13:4-8
4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; Love is not arrogant 5or rude. Love does not insist on its own way; Love is not irritable or resentful; 6Love does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8Love never ends.
Surely we could go through each verse and exegete scripture and keep it in its context but I heard this once before and it was one of the most humbling things in my life. Every time you see the word “love” in these verses replace it with your name. You feel like a liar don’t you? Love is not about making people fall in love with Christ… Its showing love despite their actions, thoughts, or beliefs, and hoping they learn to love Christ through your love. “For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same?” (Matt 5:46) “for without love what is it that we have”
Even as the church, beyond an individual standpoint Christianity is ground in love. Thats its foundation. And call me crazy but I don’t think thats what the world sees from us. I think we have forgotten how to love. Its about trying to get people into programs and spiritual growth and making life easy but love isn’t easy and I don’t think God ever promised us it was going to be. However I am convinced that when we learn how to love… lives will be transformed. When we stop being legalist, program oriented, theology based, selfish, and arrogant the church might actually look like the bride of Christ. and I might actually look like a Christian.
I have come to realize I’m disturbed. Not essentially in the sense of needing mental help but I think often times it may extend to that point. However I’m speaking generally of how God has disturbed my self consuming life. Not that I regret it for one minute but sometimes my outlook disturbs me. Because really I want to change the world. I love this quote: “You may get hurt trying to change the world… But try anyway”. Sometimes I feel as though my life is going to suck because God is constantly pushing me, molding me, changing me, to do things differently. I’ve tried to narrow my scope of people to reach… But I want the world to know this God I know. The one that loves me. The one that disturbs my life. I’ve been called crazy a lot. As a matter of fact I’m called a lot of things that elude to my sense of conquering the impossible a lot. Its generally things like, crazy, dumb, immature, irrational, insane, stupid… ect. The list goes on.
Often times I think the more disturbing faith is the one that doesn’t push the limits. Not to sound arrogant, but things don’t impress me easily. I’m not saying God in anyway has any obligation to impress me. Really He impresses me more then I can put into words. Impressive doesn’t exist outside of God. However, I have a hard time settling for anything short of what Christ is looking for. When I read scripture I often find myself not in awe of what God can do as much as I find myself in disappointment at the injustice I feel the church brings to the name of Jesus Christ. This is my motivation to change. This is my burden to move the world.
The disturbing thing for those that call me crazy is that the more I uncover the heart of Christ the more motivated I become to move. The disturbing thing for me is that I know my life will never be the same. There is a God that demands my life. I think we have become numb in our culture to the taking of life because it happens so often. However there are those moments when we see life taken away from someone and it disturbs us to the core. Everyday God captures more and more of my life which means this road isn’t getting any less disturbing anytime soon. I’ve heard that we need to learn to become comfortable while being uncomfortable. Really, I’m not even sure comfort is the issue. Something that demands your life should be disturbing. Disturbing others is what its going to take. Because lets face it… God wants lives and nothing less.
There are these events that take place in life from time to time that you just don’t see coming. I always imagine the big bar room fight. Theres a group of people swinging aimlessly and all you know is you haven’t been punched yet and so your feeling pretty good about yourself. Then out of nowhere that one punch lands right on your chin and you remember nothing else…
Sometimes these events shatter foundations, sometimes they’re the start of something large. Something you couldn’t even dream up. Sometimes its the break you’ve needed for quite sometime. Other times its the news you never wanted to hear. Either way its that something you never saw coming.
Late last week I had a bar room fight moment. As many of you know a move to Houston is in my near future (If you didn’t know, Im moving to Houston). Mainly Im going down there to study under my old pastor, go to school, and really because Id like to leave. I figure I’m young, and before my life becomes too consumed with the lives of others I should take an opportunity to try something new. Anyway, I got a voice mail from my old pastor late last week with the punch I didn’t see coming. He called me with the news that his church is looking to plant a church in an apartment community and he was asking me how interested Id be in heading it up.
Now in any circumstance this would be exciting news. However this news was something I have been praying about for almost 6 months now. Essentially since I decided I was going to move. Though a lot is still to be discussed between me and their church. The opportunity is more then exciting and is pretty much a dream come true… in the making.
However my point is, why does it surprise us when God moves… when he throws the knockout blow? After I got over the excitement, it really bothered me to see how little of faith I had. He had obviously put the burden on my heart and I thought by moving away I was going to be relinquishing the hopes of my dreams coming true. I’ve come to realize sometimes its okay to make decisions with unknown answers.
The best and most reassuring part is that despite what might be running through my mind and the faith I may lack the more I set my heart on Christ… the crazier I become. As The Patio likes to put it… I start to “Come Alive”. Everything starts to come alive. Only because God is breathing life into me and the situations around me. Its okay to be crazy. However Im still a bit woozy from the blow and Im still unsure if my mind is right but maybe Im better off that way.
So… A new blog. A lot has gone on since I’ve last blogged. Much more then would be enjoyable for anyone to read at any one moment in time. Most likely I’ll be doing this much more regularly then in the past because circumstances in my life allow it and I feel it will be a much easier way to keep in touch with those of you that I’ll be leaving in July and those that I will be encountering in Houston and all else that occurs within my life.
I will say that I’m excited to again begin sharing the new things that God is doing in my life and to hear and read of the new and exciting things God is doing in the lives of the people around me.
Thats all for now.
